Changing Spirits - Furselves.

Chapter 35: Mysteries of the Universe.


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One Weekend Later - Monday Morning - The Car Ride Home.

Rowan finishes pumping gas, getting back into the car and buckling up, having stopped just outside of Louisville for fuel (both for the car, and some snacks for themselves).

Buckling up, he hums, checking in with Jac'. "So, how'd the snack run go?"

Jacinto smiles, putting a small bag of assorted travel drinks and snacks on the floor. "We're good to get home." He sits down and buckles up, closing the door after. "One heck of a weekend, dang."

Rowan grins, starting the car to pull out, "As good as any con for sure~. Though a pretty different experience now. I'm usually nowhere near that social."

Jacinto smirks: "I noticed. Someone was having quite the time of her life."

Rowan grins wide, a goofy expression crossing their face, "I mean, not the time of my life, but certainly a time. Everyone was just so cool and understanding. I mean, you were having just as much fun from what I saw."

Jacinto grins, glancing aside: "Well, I did not say I wasn't..." He glances back to Rowan: "It was pretty amazing. A sense... like, we belong with these people. A community we can call our own with several good reasons."

Rowan nods, "I... feel like I made some real friends this weekend. Like real friends." They swallow down a growing lump of emotion in their throat, "I don't have to tell you how rare those have been in my life..."

Jacinto nods, sighing a bit but smiling all the same. "Yeah. More than just promises of 'we gotta talk again', we made plans to meet again." The next meet would be in a month more, slightly longer drive away, but it wasn't really even a question if Jacinto and Rowan would want to go. Without a doubt they'd make it.

Rowan hums, "Plans... solid plans... I gave out my online handle and contact info... I want to talk to them all again. Crazy..."

Jacinto laughs softly: "Yeah. Usually after a con weekend neither of us wants to do nothing but veg for a week. Now... I feel good. Energized, even, despite being tired."

Rowan nods, starting to focus on his driving, but still thinking on the weekend. "Yeah... the social battery is still full. Somehow."

Jacinto gives a soft giggle. "Blame the furry side, I guess." The smile wanes a bit: "Though I guess that train has sailed. Can't really say that anymore, can we."

Rowan giggles, and gives Jac' a shrug, "It's... getting harder and harder. Even if it feels different when we're our furselves. Still undeniable 'me', I think."

Jacinto nods. "Yeah, pretty much. It's not just a piece of mantra that 'Cindi is me'... I am almost inclined to say that there is no Cindi, anymore. Just me. I can't really imagine myself as 'playing a character' as such, when I am in fur, you know?"

Rowan falls silent for a moment, thinking. "I... yeah... you're not wrong. This weekend made that pretty clear... I wasn't playing Akari having fun. I was having fun."

Jacinto nods, glancing at Rowan. "Yeah. I can't... at least, I'm pretty sure I can't, just go to a con anymore and put on a persona. Not when I'm not sure there is one anymore." He dares a small smile: "...suppose that would make it simpler in some ways."

Rowan giggles, "Yeah... it... I guess it is simpler. In uh, some ways. Though, that does mean..." They trail off a little, their expression growing a little more distant.

"...I was going to make a joke, about the act being who we are going to work each day..."

Jacinto pauses, blinks, then relents hesitantly. "...ouch. Yeah. More so than before."

Rowan nods, "It's ah, not quite as funny anymore, no."

Jacinto sighs. "Fact of life, just... something we have to deal with. I mean, I have hidden things from my coworkers before... now I just have more things I have to hide."

Rowan spares Jac' a sympathetic look. "I... sorry. It's not that much different for me, since I didn't ever really talk to my coworkers anyways."

Jacinto frowns: "It's not your fault. There's just no way to explain any of this to anyone, and it's... maybe a bit frustrating, is all."

Rowan nods, "That's why I guess everyone at the meet-up is so open about stuff. Having literally anyone else to talk about it with feels really, really important. I love you tons, Jac', but it was good to talk with new people about all this madness."

Jacinto smiles: "Yeah, pretty much. And... I am definitely starting to understand in a hurry why the community is so tight-knit. Just being able to talk about stuff that you can't share anywhere else."

Rowan giggles, "And why it must feel so good to have new people join up. Everyone is some degree of creative and crafter enough that they made their own suit. And they've all gone through that experience with the changes... hah, listen to me. I miss everyone already."

Jacinto nods: "Heh. Me too." He hums softly. "Will be curious meeting more folks when we can. When everyone wrestles with some of the same issues..." He pauses for a second before giving Rowan a smile: "We never need to feel like we're alone again."

Rowan grins back, "We have 'found our tribe', is that the saying? Heh. Our people."

Jacinto smiles: "That we have. Granted, can't really introduce anyone else to this... not that I know anyone I would want to, but that's besides the point."

Rowan giggles, "I only know one person who would be crazy enough to want this... and I'm already dating him. In fact, he got me into all of this madness."

Jacinto sticks his tongue out: "Now, hey, you can't blame me for the magic part. Let's be reasonable."

Rowan laughs, humming in feigned indecision, "Mm... maybe... I guess you probably didn't know about some kind of new secret society group and the existence of magic. So I'll give you the benefit of the doubt this time."

Jacinto smirks: "I promise you, I had no prior knowledge of all this, or this would have gone down years ago."

Rowan giggles, "Honestly, that's the most persuasive argument to the whole thing."

Jacinto hums: "See, I can be persuative if need be."

Rowan laughs, "Well, see if you can't persuade one of those muffins you bought up to me." They reach a hand out from the wheel, while keeping eyes on the road.

Jacinto laughs, and digs up one of said muffins, unpacking it and handing it to his girl-boyfriend. "Anything for my dearest, or is that too sappy a thing to say?"

Rowan blinks, blushing slightly as they shake their head, "I mean, I certainly don't think so. I'm not exactly the one to hold back on the uh, sap." They take a bit of the muffin.

Jacinto giggles softly. "Okay, fair. That you certainly aren't." He pauses for a second, then smiles. "...not that I mind. I like being a softie for you, too."

Rowan grins, "Jac', if there's any one thing we've both gotten very good at in fur, it's being soft with one another, and I love every second of it."

Jacinto smiles demurely: "...y-yeah, true. And I love it too." He pauses for a second. "...even if some parts don't still entirely make sense."

Rowan nods, thinking quietly. " A lot of it doesn't... but we have friends to help now? And we have each other... I'm just sorry it's been as hard as it's been, and I... thank you, for helping me through a lot of it."

Jacinto smiles: "Well, thank you for helping me keep sane through this, too. Couldn't have without you."

Rowan finishes eating their muffin, and reaches a hand out to quickly squeeze Jac's before returning it to the wheel. "You're my... everything. You keep me going forward and trying new things. None of this would have been possible without you."

Rowan clutches the wheel as they tear up slightly, a wave of emotion hitting them in the aftermath of the con. "Ha... d-damn. Thought I'd at least make it to the highway before I started crying."

Jacinto smiles: "If you need to stop, I get it. We're in no hurry." He swallows: "...you're kinda also my everything."

Rowan forces a laugh through the tears, "N-no no. I'm good. I'm... if I need to I'll stop. But uh, you wanted sap, right? S-sorry."

Jacinto smiles, his own eyes glistening: "W-well, then we're good." He sniffs. "Love you~."

Rowan hums, smiling warmly, never more clear that the tears aren't out of sadness, "I love you too, dearest~."

Jacinto nods: "Mmm... I'd kiss you, but that would distract from the road pretty bad. So you'll have to wait til we're home."

Rowan glances around, checking their mirrors, and then pulls off into a parking lot. Putting the car in park, they lean over towards Jac', "You said yourself, we're in no hurry."

Jacinto giggles as he realizes what Rowan is doing, then happily returns the kiss and a small hug: "Mm, such powerful arguments indeed~."

Rowan giggles as the kiss ends, "Very persuasive, as you said."

Jacinto smiles very warmly, eyes once more not very dry: "...I want nothing more than to share all this magic we have, with you."

Rowan's own eyes are growing moist once again as they reach out to squeeze Jac's hand. "I know parts of it have been confusing and difficult, but I feel like it's all been worth it, we've gained so much, and we have each other through the hard parts..."

Jacinto hums, sniffing. "Yeah..." He swallows. "...whatever we end up doing about... that hard part stuff."

Rowan nods, "Y-yeah. We'll find our answers together."

Jacinto smiles, offering his hand to Rowan: "By your side, love. But let's get home first."

Rowan takes Jac's hand and squeezes again, holding it tight before reluctantly letting go to put the car into drive again, heading back to the road. "Home together does sound nice..."

Jacinto smirks: "That, at least, is not a part I want you to worry about. My home is yours, but you already knew that."

Rowan blushes, and smiles, "It... it's felt like a second home for years already. Just more so lately."

Jacinto laughs softly. "True." He gives a small sigh. "It's old, and several everything could use a modernizing, but... it being out of the way, away from prying eyes... has just become a lot more relevant, hasn't it?"

Rowan hums, "Guess so... yeah. No snooping neighbors, at least."

Jacinto smiles: "The closest neighbours are that old couple down the road. They are nice, but more in the sense that they were friends of my parents, don't want much to do with me, and might think I'm a weirdo. I see no reason to disabuse them of that notion."

Rowan nods, taking a breath as he pulls his jeep back onto the road, "Better than my neighbors, who also think I'm a weirdo but are pretty noisy about it. Were I to try to do stuff as Akari at my place... well, it would probably cause talk, at least."

Jacinto winces: "Yeah... maybe avoid that if we can." He hums softly. "For now, at least, we have a decent place to be private in."

Rowan laughs, "I do my best to avoid my neighbors anyways, so no loss there."

Jacinto smirks, then gives a not-so-quiet whisper: "Besides, we just got into a lot better social circle."

Rowan grins wide, "Yeah, that's definitely true. I'll take karaoke with furs over any church gathering."

Jacinto nods. "Even if I now again sort of believe there's something up there, and miracles are apparently real... I don't think it's the same deity our local evangelicals bow down to..."

Rowan snorts, giggling, "Well, not at any of the churches I've been to in my youth, I can confirm. The magic and miracles behind all of this, and whatever the 'god' or whoever it is responsible... big questions I definitely don't have any answers to."

Jacinto laughs: "Pretty sure none of them describe Jesus having a tail, or I slept through more sermons as a kid than I remember."

Rowan nods, "No tail, no fluff. Surprisingly lack of anthro people in the bible compared to other older religions..."

Jacinto starts to nod, then blinks. "Huh. You're right. Now I wonder if it is one of those guys behind all this... not that we apparently have any way of knowing, but I'm definitely checking out the threads about that later."

Rowan considers that, "I... didn't even think of it like that. I guess that would certainly explain a lot of mythology, huh?"

Jacinto shrugs: "Maybe. What I do know that we're a part of some new mythological phenomenon... ah well."

Rowan thinks a moment, then shrugs, "Can't say I have any clue. Most of what I know about mythology comes from comic books and Disney movies... I'm just happy it's real, and it happened to us."

Jacinto nods: "Yeah, pretty much." He chuckles: "'Sides, we have issues much closer to home than what caused this thing that makes us happy."

Rowan giggles, "We... we figure out our own stuff first, yeah? And once we've done that, we can try to solve the mysteries of the universe."

Jacinto pretends to make notes on a notepad in his hands: "Solve... mysteries... of the... universe." He puts the imaginary pen away. "There, now it's scheduled after we've solved all our problems closer to home."

Rowan nods, a serious expression on their face as they nod. "Good good. I'm glad we have that planned out, otherwise we might forget."

Jacinto nods sagely... then breaks into giggles. "We'll get the mysteries sorted out in no time, I'm sure. Once I even figure what gender I want to be on a daily basis."

Rowan blinks, hearing Jac' say it out loud feels a bit disconcerting, "I... thought you... I mean, that..."

They swallow, sparing Jac' another glance, "You... just seem to have it a little more together than I do in that regard, so I guess I thought you... were okay with your um... gender."

Jacinto blinks, then breaks out in wry laughter. "I don't have anything together! One moment I want to be Cindi - in-fur - every chance that I get, and another I hate myself for wanting it. One instance I'm thinking how to get started on learning makeup and the next I wonder what is wrong with me." His laughter has just a bit of a nervous edge to it, one that Rowan has heard before a few times.

Rowan's face drops, "O-oh... Oh Jac', I... I just figured you... I've been so focused on figuring myself out, and... everytime I brought it up, it just seemed like you go so uncomfortable with it..."

They cringe, "Oh I'm so stupid... I thought it was because you just didn't want to talk about it cause you already had it figured out. I... I"ve been so in my own head about these female feelings, I hadn't noticed..."

Jacinto sighs: "I have no idea what I am doing, or intend to do, or even want to do. I'm sorry if I gave any indication otherwise."

Rowan grimaces, shaking their head, "I'm sorry, Jac'. I wish I'd known... I wish I'd paid better attention. I... I just want to be Akari. There's no guilt, no hate, it just feels so absolutely freeing and right, that I know that's who I want to be. I just... don't know what comes next. But, you shouldn't hate yourself just for wanting to explore as Cindi... that doesn't make you any different as Jac'."

They pause, glancing at Jacinto, "Unless... you want to... and I'll support you no matter what, if that wasn't already completely obvious."

Jacinto gives a weak smile. "Y-yeah... I don't know. Like... I'm not against the idea... maybe I do want to explore if I am not... you know, just a guy." He blinks: "...okay, ignoring when I am rather verifiably not one, anyway." He takes a breath: "...if I am something... someone else. Well, in the gender sense. I do not think I will be that different if I decide to go somewhere with this... but that would presume I even know where that somewhere is..."

He trails off into quiet, looking almost deflated after getting that off his chest.

Rowan smiles back, reaching over to pat Jac'. "Well... the good news is... you have a fairly private home and a very loving girlfriend who will fully support any kind of exploring you want to do.... be it just a bit of makeup, or... or whatever."

Jacinto starts to nod, then pauses at something. "So... girlfriend? You've sounded pretty certain about this over this weekend, yourself."

Rowan sighs, but her expression turns to a faint smile, "I... I think so. I'm pretty sure, at least. I want to do my own exploring too, but I can't deny how it makes me feel, even out of fur, to think of myself as female."

Jacinto nods, musing on this. "You have sounded... pretty happy about all this, I can't deny that. And... pretty obviously it does not matter to me if that is what your heart desires." He looks at Rowan, considering: "...hmm well. You would look more attractive with longer hair, so the argument has merit."

Rowan blinks, blushing at that thought as her smile widens. "Well... longer hair is definitely on the list then."

Jacinto smiles: "If... if you want to be my girlfriend outside of fur... then I will happily accept embrace it. And you." He frowns: "...even if it is quite the rocky road to travel, I understand."

Rowan smiles, glancing away to the road. "If you don't mind, then, I think I'd like that. It's a road I don't know if I could ever go down without you."

Jacinto nods: "Obviously I have no idea what that path has on it... but guess we'll learn together. And uh... well, suppose you kind of get to cheat and be female some of the time already." He considers: "...and me too, once I have a darn clue if that means anything to me."

Rowan nods, "I'm just sorry it's all been so... difficult. Confusing. Painful. Everything. Whatever you find out about yourself, I'll help you down that road too. Whether it's just to uh 'cheat' occasionally as Cindi, or something more."

Jacinto nods, thinking. "For now... well, I still very much like that. And... I appreciate talking this with you, even if it doesn't feel like I have a direction right now." He flashes Rowan a smile.

Rowan smiles back, "I just... feel better clearing the air. This has been weighing on us both, hasn't it?"

Jacinto nods: "A big, heavy, bold letters 'FEMALE' on the back of my mind, more or less, yeah."

Rowan blushs, "...Same for me, I suppose. But not so 'back' and more... well, just more more on my mind."

Jacinto nods: "I can see that. But I suppose I can help you onward while I take a chisel to those big letteres and see if I can't make it something that's more 'me'." He gives a soft laugh. "And to think, for so long I was so certain who I was..."

Rowan chuckles sadly, "Well, me too. But... I'm not that different, right? I'm still the same Rowan who loves savory snacks and crafting and Disney movies. And... maybe acting again."

Jacinto hums: "Well no. Clearly, if you pick up acting again, you will turn into a complete stranger and I will have no idea who you are." Pause. "Though if you want to be a woman full time, that's fine by me."

He gives Rowan a winking smirk.

Rowan's smile grows, "I... we'll see. I'm just starting to figure this out."

Jacinto smiles: "Yeah. Me too. But we'll get there. One way or another."

Rowan nods, "Feeling better about it already, though. I love you, Jac'."

Jacinto mm's: "Love you too, Rowan."

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