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ORIGINS
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Spades: Hello world!
Derpy Hooves: Why is there an earth pony in the sky?
Spades: Yay! Everything is so pretty up here!
Derpy Hooves: Um... should we catch him?
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PONYVILLE
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Spades: Hermagerd! BOOKS!
Twilight Sparkle: Can I help you?
Nurse Redheart: You have amnesia.
Spades: I don't remember what that means.
Grace: We're special.
Spades: Hey sis!
Nurse Redheart: Get out of my clinic.
Spades: I will protect you.
Grace: I will care for you.
Spades: I don't need a cutie mark because I have you.
Discord: Lolnope!
Grace: I am now discorded.
Spades: I'm going to let you run away whilst I attack Discord with a shovel.
Discord: Jack is best pony. Here, have a cutie mark.
Spades: I am now discorded.
Grace: I am now dead.
Discord: My bad.
Spades: I am overcome with grief and am running away.
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SILVERGLADE
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Gravekeeper: You have a shovel mark. You must therefore be a gravekeeper. I'm stealing you.
Patch: Yeah, me too. I will adopt you as the son I never had and teach you about healing.
Spades: I humbly accept. Now I finally have a home and a family who love me.
Cold Iron: Lolnope!
Patch: I am now dead.
Spades: I will avenge you!
Cold Iron: I am now dead. With a shovel. Didn't see that coming.
Runt: Your timing sucks. I'm outta here.
Spades: I am overcome with grief and guilt and am running away again.
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THE LUSTY SEAPONY
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Spades: Back at Ponyville. [1]
Aurora: I am a feral unicorn. I am going to kill you. [2]
Spades: Please don't.
Raven Horn: What happened to you? [3]
Spades: Do you know what Poithon Joke ith?
Spades: Ooh! Free apples and carrots! [4]
Sunrise: You touch those and I will break your face.
Fixit: Stop that. Here, Jack, have a sandwich. It has carrot slices.
Spades: I am now indebted to you. Nice construct, by the way.
Trixingno: I am a robot...
Spring Showers: Night! [5]
Spades: No, miss. Here, have some gearbutt carvings.
Summerset: I'm going to push you into a hole and go through all your stuff. [6]
Spades: Cool! In return I will be your willing minion!
Summerset: Thanks for saving me from my nightmares, white knight! [7]
Spades: I'm gonna headbutt yer.
Summerset: Fine. I'm keeping your stupid shovel.
Bluegrass: Stop stalking / psychoanalysing me. [8]
Spades: Sorry, miss.
Trixingno: What is beauty? [9]
Spades: What is purpose?
Bluegrass: I said stop following me! [10]
Spades: The bar?! But there's other ponies here! D:
Bluegrass: Sloppy makeouts?
Spades: No, but I can walk you home like a gentlecolt.
Sly Credence: Night? [11]
Spades: No, sir.
Sly Credence: I can't forgive myself:
Spades: I know those feels, bro.
Summerset: I'm Discord! Lololol
Spades: FALCON PUNCH.
Nurse Redheart: You again?
Trixingno: I have purpose. [12]
Spades: You are my role model.
Spades: I'm going to spend eight hours drawing a picture and then burn it. [13]
Summerset: I'm on drugs.
Spades: Do you need the bathroom?
Bluegrass: Are you even listening to me? [14]
Spades: Nope! Your music is so pretty and sad.
Summerset: That robot is evil. [15]
Trixingno: No I'm really not. [16]
Summerset: Bust me out of here. [17]
Spades: Done! Now we can be... wait, where did you go?
Runt: Yo dawg, I stole your shovel.
Fixit: I am a pegasus! [18]
Spades: Discord is coming back!
Starflower: My legs are wonky.
Spades: Discord is coming back!
Spring Showers: These blue flowers are so pretty!
Spades: ...
Trixingno: I hate my body. [19]
Spades: Ask Auntie Celestia!
Icicle Gleam: Ohai! [20]
Spades: Ohai! [21]
Trixingno: What is love?
Spades: Catburd don't hurt me! D:
Muir: Wat.
Sleet: Wat.
Spades: Running of the leaves! [22]
Icicle Gleam: You can do better than this.
Spades: It's not a race!
Icicle Gleam: Yeah, it kinda is.
Spades: Hooray! I didn't come last!
Spring Showers: Aw, that vagrant that you like is here at our wedding.
Trixingno: I'm going to self terminate. [23]
Spades: But Starflower loves you!
Trixingno: And I her.
Spades: So get her some flowers!
Starflower: Om nom nom.
Mahogany: I'm gonna drink you under the table. [24]
Spades: You're really not.
Icicle Gleam: You're both on!
Spades: I'm drunk! Time for a rousing drunken chorus!
Mahogany: Hah! I win!
Spades: zzz
Mahogany: Yo, wake up, Spadesy. [25]
Spades: I am hungover. I am going to help this nice izulu with her forms.
Katlego: This guy's hot.
Fixit: I know, right? [26]
Spades: Wait, what?
Bluegrass: You do realise I come out here to be alone, right? [27]
Spades: There are no happy endings, miss.
Katlego: I really like you. [28]
Spades: We should sit somewhere nice and quiet to talk about this.
Icicle Gleam: Lolnope!
Terrabona: Lolnope!
Spring Showers: Lolnope!
Katlego: D:
Spades: D:
Terrabona: I feel terrible. Here's her address.
Spades: Yay, stalking!
Spades: Hey, are you stupid enough to go into the Everfree with me? [29]
Icicle Gleam: Sure!
Spades: You do love miss Bluegrass, right?
Icicle Gleam: Of course! Ask me that again and I'll break your face.
Spades: Hey, here's your old campsite.
Icicle Gleam: I can't find my knife.
Spades: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you I live in the forest.
Icicle Gleam: Wat.
Spades: This is my sister!
Grace: I'm still dead.
Spades: I come bearing gifts like a sir! [30]
Katlego: I am going to kiss you.
Spades: Friendzoned.
Spades: Hey, bestest friend! Another round in the forest? [31]
Icicle Gleam: Sure!
Spades: This is my special place.
Icicle Gleam: Oooh, shiny crystals!
Spades: I love it here. I finally feel like I've found a place to belong.
Runt: Lolnope!
Spades: I found your knife, sir.
Nurse Redheart: Oh for pity's sake.
Spades: Got my shovel back.
Bluegrass: You're an idiot. [32]
Fixit: It's dangerous to go alone. Take this music box.
Katlego: You are special to me.
Spades: I am unworthy.
Trixingno: That wound's nothing. I actually died once.
Icicle Gleam: I bring Daring Do! [33]
Katlego: I bring UberMuffin!
Spring Showers: I bring Snicker-doodles! I win! [34]
Spades: This music box is yours.
Spring Showers: No its not, silly! Try and give it back again and I'll break your face.
Teardrop: You can totes beat that dog. [35]
Icicle Gleam: Kat's rude. And immature. [36]
Katlego: Shut up Gleam, I'm ignoring you.
Icicle Gleam: Hey, you should come live with me! [37]
Katlego: Wait, what?
Bluegrass: Wait, what?
Grace: I'm not dead any more.
Spades: I kinda live in the forest. [38]
Bluegrass: You're an idiot and you're insane.
Spades: But I'm adorable when I'm sleeping!
Bluegrass: Okay, you can have that.
Katlego: Let's go somewhere romantic. [39]
Spades: Hot dogs!
Katlego: This is nice. [40]
Spades: Still not dating.
Icicle Gleam: Hey lets get my cryst- uh, I mean your stuff! [41]
Spades: Sure! What could go wrong?
Katlego: Me. [42]
Spades: Shit.
Katlego: I love you. Do that again and I'll break your face.
Spades: I'm not good enough for you.
Delta: Yes you are. [43]
Spades: Magic hats!
Spades: Wow, this looks exciting! Can I join in? [44]
Nassy: The mob is coming to town. We're going to fight them.
Spades: That's cool, I'm gonna go sit over here now.
Night Flurry: Hey, good looking.
Spades: Ohai!
Trixingno: I'm not going to call you Jack of Spades because Grace said not to. [45]
Spades: I'm going to have a nervous breakdown now.
Starflower: Spades is a strange pony.
Spades: Grace needs me. Congratulations Sleet, you're the new Katlego.
Sleet: Whatevs. Your sister isn't here dude.
Spades: I should see Kat. [46]
Icicle Gleam: You should see Kat.
Katlego: I'm leaving you. [47]
Spades: I am overcome with grief and guilt and self doubt and am leaving town forever.
Icicle Gleam: The hell you say.
Bluegrass: We are your friends and you need to forgive yourself. You're still an idiot.
Spades: Thank you for believing in me. I'm going to go help my sister.
Bluegrass: And you're still insane.