Spades - Abridged

Bonus Log





Spades: Hello world!

Derpy Hooves: Why is there an earth pony in the sky?

Spades: Yay! Everything is so pretty up here!

Derpy Hooves: Um... should we catch him?




Spades: Hermagerd! BOOKS!

Twilight Sparkle: Can I help you?

Nurse Redheart: You have amnesia.

Spades: I don't remember what that means.

Grace: We're special.

Spades: Hey sis!

Nurse Redheart: Get out of my clinic.

Spades: I will protect you.

Grace: I will care for you.

Spades: I don't need a cutie mark because I have you.

Discord: Lolnope!

Grace: I am now discorded.

Spades: I'm going to let you run away whilst I attack Discord with a shovel.

Discord: Jack is best pony. Here, have a cutie mark.

Spades: I am now discorded.

Grace: I am now dead.

Discord: My bad.

Spades: I am overcome with grief and am running away.




Gravekeeper: You have a shovel mark. You must therefore be a gravekeeper. I'm stealing you.

Patch: Yeah, me too. I will adopt you as the son I never had and teach you about healing.

Spades: I humbly accept. Now I finally have a home and a family who love me.

Cold Iron: Lolnope!

Patch: I am now dead.

Spades: I will avenge you!

Cold Iron: I am now dead. With a shovel. Didn't see that coming.

Runt: Your timing sucks. I'm outta here.

Spades: I am overcome with grief and guilt and am running away again.




Spades: Back at Ponyville. [1]

Aurora: I am a feral unicorn. I am going to kill you. [2]

Spades: Please don't.

Raven Horn: What happened to you? [3]

Spades: Do you know what Poithon Joke ith?

Spades: Ooh! Free apples and carrots! [4]

Sunrise: You touch those and I will break your face.

Fixit: Stop that. Here, Jack, have a sandwich. It has carrot slices.

Spades: I am now indebted to you. Nice construct, by the way.

Trixingno: I am a robot...

Spring Showers: Night! [5]

Spades: No, miss. Here, have some gearbutt carvings.

Summerset: I'm going to push you into a hole and go through all your stuff. [6]

Spades: Cool! In return I will be your willing minion!

Summerset: Thanks for saving me from my nightmares, white knight! [7]

Spades: I'm gonna headbutt yer.

Summerset: Fine. I'm keeping your stupid shovel.

Bluegrass: Stop stalking / psychoanalysing me. [8]

Spades: Sorry, miss.

Trixingno: What is beauty? [9]

Spades: What is purpose?

Bluegrass: I said stop following me! [10]

Spades: The bar?! But there's other ponies here! D:

Bluegrass: Sloppy makeouts?

Spades: No, but I can walk you home like a gentlecolt.

Sly Credence: Night? [11]

Spades: No, sir.

Sly Credence: I can't forgive myself:

Spades: I know those feels, bro.

Summerset: I'm Discord! Lololol


Nurse Redheart: You again?

Trixingno: I have purpose. [12]

Spades: You are my role model.

Spades: I'm going to spend eight hours drawing a picture and then burn it. [13]

Summerset: I'm on drugs.

Spades: Do you need the bathroom?

Bluegrass: Are you even listening to me? [14]

Spades: Nope! Your music is so pretty and sad.

Summerset: That robot is evil. [15]

Trixingno: No I'm really not. [16]

Summerset: Bust me out of here. [17]

Spades: Done! Now we can be... wait, where did you go?

Runt: Yo dawg, I stole your shovel.

Fixit: I am a pegasus! [18]

Spades: Discord is coming back!

Starflower: My legs are wonky.

Spades: Discord is coming back!

Spring Showers: These blue flowers are so pretty!

Spades: ...

Trixingno: I hate my body. [19]

Spades: Ask Auntie Celestia!

Icicle Gleam: Ohai! [20]

Spades: Ohai! [21]

Trixingno: What is love?

Spades: Catburd don't hurt me! D:

Muir: Wat.

Sleet: Wat.

Spades: Running of the leaves! [22]

Icicle Gleam: You can do better than this.

Spades: It's not a race!

Icicle Gleam: Yeah, it kinda is.

Spades: Hooray! I didn't come last!

Spring Showers: Aw, that vagrant that you like is here at our wedding.

Trixingno: I'm going to self terminate. [23]

Spades: But Starflower loves you!

Trixingno: And I her.

Spades: So get her some flowers!

Starflower: Om nom nom.

Mahogany: I'm gonna drink you under the table. [24]

Spades: You're really not.

Icicle Gleam: You're both on!

Spades: I'm drunk! Time for a rousing drunken chorus!

Mahogany: Hah! I win!

Spades: zzz

Mahogany: Yo, wake up, Spadesy. [25]

Spades: I am hungover. I am going to help this nice izulu with her forms.

Katlego: This guy's hot.

Fixit: I know, right? [26]

Spades: Wait, what?

Bluegrass: You do realise I come out here to be alone, right? [27]

Spades: There are no happy endings, miss.

Katlego: I really like you. [28]

Spades: We should sit somewhere nice and quiet to talk about this.

Icicle Gleam: Lolnope!

Terrabona: Lolnope!

Spring Showers: Lolnope!

Katlego: D:

Spades: D:

Terrabona: I feel terrible. Here's her address.

Spades: Yay, stalking!

Spades: Hey, are you stupid enough to go into the Everfree with me? [29]

Icicle Gleam: Sure!

Spades: You do love miss Bluegrass, right?

Icicle Gleam: Of course! Ask me that again and I'll break your face.

Spades: Hey, here's your old campsite.

Icicle Gleam: I can't find my knife.

Spades: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you I live in the forest.

Icicle Gleam: Wat.

Spades: This is my sister!

Grace: I'm still dead.

Spades: I come bearing gifts like a sir! [30]

Katlego: I am going to kiss you.

Spades: Friendzoned.

Spades: Hey, bestest friend! Another round in the forest? [31]

Icicle Gleam: Sure!

Spades: This is my special place.

Icicle Gleam: Oooh, shiny crystals!

Spades: I love it here. I finally feel like I've found a place to belong.

Runt: Lolnope!

Spades: I found your knife, sir.

Nurse Redheart: Oh for pity's sake.

Spades: Got my shovel back.

Bluegrass: You're an idiot. [32]

Fixit: It's dangerous to go alone. Take this music box.

Katlego: You are special to me.

Spades: I am unworthy.

Trixingno: That wound's nothing. I actually died once.

Icicle Gleam: I bring Daring Do! [33]

Katlego: I bring UberMuffin!

Spring Showers: I bring Snicker-doodles! I win! [34]

Spades: This music box is yours.

Spring Showers: No its not, silly! Try and give it back again and I'll break your face.

Teardrop: You can totes beat that dog. [35]

Icicle Gleam: Kat's rude. And immature. [36]

Katlego: Shut up Gleam, I'm ignoring you.

Icicle Gleam: Hey, you should come live with me! [37]

Katlego: Wait, what?

Bluegrass: Wait, what?

Grace: I'm not dead any more.

Spades: I kinda live in the forest. [38]

Bluegrass: You're an idiot and you're insane.

Spades: But I'm adorable when I'm sleeping!

Bluegrass: Okay, you can have that.

Katlego: Let's go somewhere romantic. [39]

Spades: Hot dogs!

Katlego: This is nice. [40]

Spades: Still not dating.

Icicle Gleam: Hey lets get my cryst- uh, I mean your stuff! [41]

Spades: Sure! What could go wrong?

Katlego: Me. [42]

Spades: Shit.

Katlego: I love you. Do that again and I'll break your face.

Spades: I'm not good enough for you.

Delta: Yes you are. [43]

Spades: Magic hats!

Spades: Wow, this looks exciting! Can I join in? [44]

Nassy: The mob is coming to town. We're going to fight them.

Spades: That's cool, I'm gonna go sit over here now.

Night Flurry: Hey, good looking.

Spades: Ohai!

Trixingno: I'm not going to call you Jack of Spades because Grace said not to. [45]

Spades: I'm going to have a nervous breakdown now.

Starflower: Spades is a strange pony.

Spades: Grace needs me. Congratulations Sleet, you're the new Katlego.

Sleet: Whatevs. Your sister isn't here dude.

Spades: I should see Kat. [46]

Icicle Gleam: You should see Kat.

Katlego: I'm leaving you. [47]

Spades: I am overcome with grief and guilt and self doubt and am leaving town forever.

Icicle Gleam: The hell you say.

Bluegrass: We are your friends and you need to forgive yourself. You're still an idiot.

Spades: Thank you for believing in me. I'm going to go help my sister.

Bluegrass: And you're still insane.